So it’s good to know which button you’re pressing. ![]() Pressing the accelerator when you were looking for the brake can have really negative consequences. If you want a husband who’s sober, and you’ve been telling him to drink less or to stop drinking, you were unwittingly pressing the button that makes him feel compelled to drink more. It means you stop punishing, resenting, and criticizing him for his drinking. Quite the opposite: accepting his drinking is a prerequisite to changing everything for the better, and it just means that you don’t tell him to change. I’m not saying things will never improve. You are not agreeing to suffer endlessly if you accept his drinking. You are not agreeing to be the designated driver forever and ever, amen. That does not mean you’re signing up for a lifetime of smelling his whiskey breath while he snores contentedly after he broke the lamp and knocked the picture off the wall. The way to influence his drinking is to first accept it. That doesn’t mean you can’t influence his drinking-in my experience, you definitely can. It’s incredibly contrary, right? But here’s what’s interesting. So if he doesn’t feel that you accept his drinking, he will repeat it until you do accept him-drinking and all. He feels an inner compulsion to repeat the behavior until he feels loved and accepted.” When a wife tells her husband not to drink, or asks if he thinks he should be drinking so much, or complains about his drinking, I have never seen that result in him drinking less.Īuthor John Gray says it’s like this: “When a man does not feel loved just the way he is, he will either consciously or unconsciously repeat the behavior that is not being accepted. Knowing how to use that influence wisely can make a huge difference. In my experience, wives have tremendous influence over their husband’s drinking. It’s scary to think about, because we’ve all heard about the financial, emotional, and health problems drunks cause themselves and their families. Maybe when he gets started he just keeps going on a bender for weeks.Īren’t those indications that he’s got a problem?Īnd if he’s got a serious problem, then doesn’t that mean you have one too, since you’re married to a problem drinker, or maybe even an alcoholic? Maybe he’s missed work, family events, or had run-ins with the law from drinking. Maybe he drinks every night, or drinks to oblivion on a regular basis, or gets mean when he drinks. It might be nice if he never did that, but the bigger question is whether your man’s drinking is over the line. Like anyone who drinks too much, your husband gets annoying and stupid when he’s intoxicated. Although, to be fair, we don't really know what might have happened in his political future because, well, you know ( npr.3 Ways to Get Him to Pick You Over Alcohol Lincoln, true American hero, prioritized democracy over his own political future. ![]() Icing, frosting, glaze - what's your fetish? ( ) » (7 comments) 1) It leaves dead mice beside you in bed, rather than at the top of stairs for you to trip over ( cnn.com ) » (2 comments) ![]() How to know whether or not your cat actually loves you. I see him shiver with dissatis- ( ) » (3 comments) Pain in all of its forms has marked the upward surge of mankind ( ) » (6 comments)Ĭhris Cuomo: "Ye, just blink twice if you are being held hostage by Candace Owens" ( ) » (4 comments) Pain clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of evolutionary spirit. Pain, for lack of a better word, is good. Good editing (and statistics) are hard, yo ( ) » (4 comments) To begin: try and pronounce HYGGE without alarming people around you, then relax ( npr.org ) » (6 comments)Īccording to Mike Francesa, Bob Costas "will not shut up." And if anyone knows a thing or two about not shutting up, it's Mike Francesa ( ) » (17 comments)ĥ0% of sources cited in headline rate chance of US recession at 100%. Not to worry, Your Mom still holds the record ( bbc.com ) » (3 comments)ĭid you know autumn is HYGGE season? Not a shopping trip to IKEA, but a Danish lifestyle concept. Nord Stream blast blew away 50 meters of pipe.
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